Today I was reading a book, and I found myself having some bad thoughts. Triggering thoughts for me. Thoughts that have no business in my head.  So I closed it.  Picked up something else. I didn't want to wallow in the hurt and what-ifs and find myself spiraling out of control...so easy to do.

I opened Remember by Karen Kingsbury on my kindle. Opting for a story told from a Christian world view- hoping it would breathe life instead of hurt.  Tuesday night I started watching The Baxter's on Prime. I'm not a big TV watcher these days. But I was in a mood, alone and tired.  I settled down on the couch with my dinner, looking for something to watch, planning to pick up my crochet after I ate. Anyway, on a whim I clicked on The Baxter's. (Based on this book series). I read the first one a while back and watching the first several episodes found me downloading the next book from the library onto my kindle, despite having too- many books already in progress.

All that to say 5 pages in this book has already refreshed my spirit and sparked something in me.  I read this quote on page 5.

Kari could easily find a reason to smile, to believe the best about life and love. And God, of course.  Always God.

This quote immediately resonated with me- not because I am like Kari- but oh I want to be! Lately my husband has picked on me for my grumpy morning face. A few weeks back he also called me a Pessimist- something I never in my life considered myself to be- I always thought of myself more of a glass half full type o' girl. Was that not true?  

Stepping back I see myself becoming someone I do not want to be. I feel bitterness fighting to take hold. The regrets and sadness and worry, threatening to take me under. But I am not going to let them. Yes, life is hard. Yes, we all have hurts and regrets. But I do not want those things to define who I am. As I read the above quote a bible verse immediately came to mind.

She is clothed with strength and dignity,
    and she laughs without fear of the future.  Proverbs 31:25 NLT

This is my new goal. This is the person I want to strive to be, not hurt, not angry, not bitter. I want to be strong, whole, joyful and light and encouragement to those around me. 

I have H💗PE.  There is always H💗PE.

Fear is a LIAR

This morning I woke up tired. My legs were sore. I wanted to stay in bed. I reached for my phone to check the weather and realized it was supposed to be raining all morning. Chance hates the rain. Maybe it was a good day for a "rest day".  I got up to go the bathroom and realized it was indeed raining. I let Chance out, he happily went back to snoozing on the couch given the dreary weather. I headed back to bed hoping to sleep for another half hour or so.

That's when the anxiety and fear began to settle in my heart. Get up, make your coffee, spend the extra time with God. Is what I heard, so I did.

It wasn't long before God's peace began to seep back into my soul. He is with me. I am loved. He is at work in my life and in my marriage.  Nothing is impossible with God.  Prayer is indeed powerful and effective. My heart is full, thankful, hopeful.

Later when I checked my email I saw more confirmation of God's Truth. 💗  He is listening and He cares.

Monday night Hannah and I went to a vegetarian cooking demo at the library. It was billed as a "class" and we both expected it to be more hands on. But we still enjoyed it and hope to do it again. We were introduced to Jackfruit. We have seen the whole fruit at the store- it is huge and scary looking. Very intimidating. But they used canned, which is far more do-able. They made pulled "pork" (jackfruit) sliders and they were delish!



It is basically the jackfruit shredded up, seasoned with 21 seasoning salute (from trader joe's) and then mixed with bbq sauce and heated through.  I haven't been a huge fan of a lot of vegetarian dishes but this was great!

The salad was Healthy 8 Chopped Veggie Mix and Trader Joe's Green Goddess dressing.  Also yummy. =)

Hannah and I were perusing Pinterest looking up more recipes for Jackfruit before we even left the library.

And just because... Dog. :-)

just a Tuesday. . .

It’s all about why we’re living, not just how. 

It’s about loving this life that could so easily pass
us by if we live passively. 

-Where There's Hope, pp 224

Today was one of those days I didn't want to leave the cozy sanctuary of my kitchen table.



Working on this- (also from the aforementioned book Where There's Hope by Elizabeth Smart)

Just because. Dog. Such a snuggler.


Last night I hit up the local Mexican restaurant with my best friend. We sat and talked over our dinner and then went walking around our town. Talking. Musing. Wondering.  Who needs therapy when you can just go walking and talking with your best friend. =)

the struggle is real...

But there is always H O P E.

Yesterday I felt wonderful. Today its a struggle again.  I vented (complained) to my sister-in-law and my best friend. I got to work and sat down at my desk. Tears. Welling.  I had just left my kitchen table where I soaked in God's word- all about taking thoughts captive. Not being ruled by my thoughts, feelings and emotions. Sometimes I feel like life is a test I am failing.

So I resolved to try and snap myself out of it.  I made a cup of tea. I turned on KLOVE. I started thinking about the GOOD. I smiled. I took those thoughts captive. I am not a victim and I can be victorious.

Here is some amazing good from this weekend. We went to Houghton of Saturday to see Mikayla in Oklahoma!

 I reveled in all of us being there together. Overcome with thankfulness every time I glanced my husband's way.

The show was fantastic!

She's so beautiful.  So proud of our talented girl.

Sunday after we got home- Chance and I got in a couple more miles.  It feels good to be running again.


More good:

• My cousin had a healthy baby boy last week
• my co-worker's great grand-baby who was born premature got to go home this weekend! She weighs a whopping 4 lbs 2 oz now. So tiny. So precious.
• tomorrow is PAYDAY
• I have Friday off for my birthday...so does the Mr. <3 ;-)
• Saturday is my BIRTHDAY
• Hannah and I spent last night with a Daisy troop helping them earn their "Be A Sister to Every Girl Scout" petal.  Hannah regaled them with tales of some of her girl scouty adventures.
• Its the first day of Spring- even though it doesn't feel like it.
• Time with my husband.  

It's March!

I'm overjoyed... March means two things. Spring is nearly here! Hallelujah and... MY BIRTHDAY!

A new month. My birthday coming up. Perfect time to brush off the sorrow and frustration of yesterday.  Not gonna lie, I am happy 37 is drawing to a close. Looking to 38 with hope and expectation.

Yesterday I was pretty discouraged. I went to prayer meeting and come home with determination. To let go of the past. (Again). To take my thoughts captive. Not dwell on the negative. But to focus on God's TRUTH.  To think (but not wallow) about what is discouraging and frustrating.  To figure out what I can change and what I have to just let go.  Somethings feel impossible.  But I was reminded yesterday God has done the impossible for me before. So I continue to HOPE.  In the meantime....

{March Goals}

I will-

• wash the dishes and wipe the counters before bed
• make my bed in the morning
• go running 2-3 times a week; train for the 10K and then another half or two or three ;-)
• spend time in the Word and in Prayer
• start meal-planning again- to be more healthy and save $$$
• love my mister and cherish and make the most the moments we get to spend together
• laugh and sing and dance in my kitchen
• keeping spending my lunchtime with God
• start learning about opening a coffee shop/bakery- I put a few books on hold at the local library, waiting for them to come in
• look for the good and count my blessings/gifts, be THANKFUL and thus more JOYful
• remember little things add up to big things

I set my alarm for 5:05 this morning- with the intention of getting up and going for a run.  I didn't do it...even an hour later I had trouble leaving my nice warm, cozy bed. Finally I got up, made the lunches, settled at the table with my coffee and bible.

I let Chance out- the air still felt Spring-like. Kinda. More snow looming on the horizon.  I would be remiss if I let the morning completely pass us by.  So we squeezed in a run. It felt amazing.  Chance was so excited he could barely contain himself. Reminding me that he needs to run too. There is a dog friendly race in April, I'm wondering if I could adequately socialize and train him to be able to run around other dogs by then?

I can exercise and I can make healthier eating choices...


Today's thankful list-

• prayer meeting last night
• it smelled like SPRING when I walked out of church last night
• putting in my pampered chef party! Active again! Woohoo.
• ordering a surprise for a friend
• having Mikayla home <3
• a 2nd cup of coffee

Believe in the impossible...

When I need reminding...

 

Today I am reminding myself of God's promises. God is faithful. Only God can fill me. Only God can bring Hope. Healing. Restoration.

I'm also learning there is nothing. Nothing. I can do at the present time. Waiting sucks big time. But God has reminded me over and over to be still. To trust. To let go.  Not give up.  But to release it into His care.

This verse has shown up three times so far this week--
His Grace IS sufficient for me!  

He is all I need.

The Eternal One will never leave you;
 He will lead you in the way that you should go.
When you feel dried up and worthless,
 God will nourish you and give you strength.
And you will grow like a garden lovingly tended;
 you will be like a spring whose water never runs out.  -Isaiah 58:11 The Voice

The Lord your God in your midst,
The Mighty One, will save;
He will rejoice over you with gladness,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.  -Zephaniah 3:17 NKJV

The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them. -Psalm 34:7 NIV

I remain confident of this:
I will see the goodness of the Lord
in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord;
be strong and take heart
and wait for the Lord.  -Psalm 27:13-14 NIV

I love the Psalms, how David pours out his heart, his joys, his sorrows, his fears and frustrations...and yet. He always comes back to God's faithfulness and praise.

So today I am choosing praise and thanks too--

• Hannah has planned meals and made dinner the last two nights
• Mom's Connect Soup Night
• Running again =)
• Chance's new leash
• Signing up for a race!
• hugs
• sisters who have my back- spiritually linking arms and sheilds
• All My Hope by Crowder- Oh- I love this song! Every time I hear it, it soothes my soul
• Promises in God's Word
• Letting go.
• Running into Abby at the store <3 a friend who will hug you tight and pray on the spot. Who also knows where I am.
• This book-> A Fierce Love
• Watching Chopped with Hannah
• God's grace as HE continues to sustain me

There is much to be thankful for.  I will praise you while I'm waiting.

my verse today...

Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; 

be courageous; be strong. 

Do everything in love. 

1 Corinthians 16:13-14

don't give up

I'm tired and discouraged today. So tired. My heart is weary and yet even as I type I am convicted because God says...

• My grace is sufficient for you for my power is made perfect in weakness. 2 Corinthians  12:9
• Do not grow weary of doing good, for at the proper time you will reap a harvest if you do not give up. Galatians 6:9 (Emphasis added).
• We wait in HOPE for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. Psalm 33:20
• Let us then approach God’s throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need. Hebrews 14:6

Last night at Mom's Connect we talked about Grace and prayer. Specific Prayers. With boldness and confidence. 

I was reminded of my job, and what a specific timely answer to prayer it was.  God granted my hearts desire, things I thought were impossible.

The following is an excerpt from my blog just before my first interview for the job I now have. I job that was a specific answer to prayer. Oh I had to wait and the journey to it was hard and discouraging- but God saw me through and gave me the desires of my heart- I have to believe he can do it again.

This week frustration and despair has threatened to take over again. Yet I continue to cling to hope. Thursday while I was out for a run I got a call about an opportunity. One I am excited and hopeful about. I have an interview on Tuesday and would truly appreciate your prayers.
For close to a year now the idea of a new job has been on the table. Since summer I have been seeking one in earnest to no avail. It's discouraging and frustrating.
Yet, God keeps whispering his promises to my heart. Trust. Believe. Good things are out there.
The desire of my heart is to find a job close to home. One that is flexible enough I can be available to my children if need be. I don't care how old they are, always I will be mommy first. One that will not require to put Hannah in before school child care. One that will still be "enough". It seems impossible.
And yet this morning in my devo I was remind... Nothing is impossible with God. So I pray. I hope. I believe.

So today I am trying to once again trust God. To hold onto HOPE but also let go of my expectations.  I feel lost and alone. But I am not.

"As prayer warriors, we must remember that no matter how hopeless a situations may appear to us, God gives us power in prayer to do something about it. We maybe overwhelmed by it, but God is not. We may not see a way out, but God can. Because of Him, we can make difference!" 

{Prayer Warrior, pp 17}

tuesday things. . .

The Eternal is the source of my strength and the shield that guards me.
          When I learn to rest and truly trust Him,
He sends His help. This is why my heart is singing!
           I open my mouth to praise Him, and thankfulness rises as song.
                                                                             ~Psalm 28:7 (The Voice)

I awoke feeling so alone. Abandoned. The sadness running deep.  I opened Jesus Calling and tears begin to fall. God sees me. He is here. Though I feel like it most of the time- I am not alone. Maybe if I say it enough I will start to believe it. 

I was greeted this morning with the typical "good morning... what's so good about it?" 

This always makes me bristle...

There is always something good. Always. In spite of my trials. My sorrow. There is good. Today I will embrace it and proclaim it.

Today's good:

• happy birthday dinner & celebration with Hannah last night
• her beautiful smiling face
• snuggled on the couch watching The Polar Express
• recognizing God is with me, that He speaks to my heart
• gift of candy canes and $ to go to Lights on the Lake
• safety on snowy roads
• Chancey playing in the snow
• a HOT shower
• fresh pot of coffee ;-) 
• listening to KLOVE at work
• Dad's sermon
• choosing J O Y

My Hope is in GOD alone.

Thursday Thanks

Today I am choosing to be thankful. To seek J O Y. To feel happy. To reclaim my life and step into the future God has for me with courage and confidence. It won't be easy. It will be a battle and a struggle. Once already this morning I almost got lost in despair. But I put my focus back where it belongs, on God. I will be OK. It doesn't mean I'm not sad or lonely. But I won't despair. I will remember only God can fill me. Only God can heal broken hearts and broken relationships. I continue will hope. I will have faith.

I know no matter what I need to be OK with me. I need to continue on the path God has for me. I know that no matter what the future holds, HE is by my side.

So this morning I started my December pages in my bullet journal.

 

I'm trying to remember what makes ME happy and me- ME.

I got up this morning and did a work out.


Did my hair, make up, put on earrings. Had a smoothie for breakfast.

I am thankful for cooking. That it is something I can do well. Even at 2 in the morning when I can't sleep!




These potpies were so yummy! Used up some of the thanksgiving turkey I had tucked in the freezer.  I love pampered chef's new mini pie pan! The recipe I used is also pampered chef -->HERE<--

I'm thankful for memories <3

I am thankful for HOPE and FAITH.

"I tell you this: if you had even a faint spark of faith, even faith as tiny as a mustard seed, you could say to this mountain, “Move from here to there,” and because of your faith, the mountain would move. If you had just a sliver of faith, you would find nothing impossible." Matthew 17:20 (The Voice)


I am thankful God meets me in the middle of the night


... For cats and pups...

Just Breathe.

I am thankful for my cousin Kelly who texted me this song this morning- just as I was losing my HOPE.

Moment by moment. Day by day. I will trust. I will believe. I will look for the good and be the good. I will have a joyful Christmas. I will face 2018 head on and trust God to lead me.

The battle

Last week, Friday maybe, I was reading and this page really struck me. I was growing tired and weary.  I was losing hope- even though I had pledged to be in this for the long haul.  What's the point I wondered, then God gave me this very real image... reminding me the battle is real. And not easily won. What would happen if I gave up. I will not let the darkness win. I will not be defeated.

From Max Lucado's book, You'll Get Through This

Make no mistake there is a battle going on in the spiritual realm.  I love this picture I found on pinterest of Jesus pushing back the darkness.


I am NOT ALONE!

My arsenal... God's WORD. PRAYER. There is nothing stronger. And HIS WORD WILL PREVAIL.


I will never stop fighting for what is mine.