yeah!

So about a year ago my doctor told me to get my butt moving.  That I had tip toed across that thin line, edging toward an unhealthy weight.  Ugh! Really?!? 

However...TODAY I had my check up.  DR M declared me "super duper healthy".   I have even lost TEN pounds since that appointment last September.  Credited entirely to my recent running.  I had no idea how much weight I had lost, at times wondering if I had at all.  I don't own a scale.  And despite the fact others told me I had, I at times had my doubts.  But the truth is I feel better.  Healthy.  My clothes fit better.  And yesterday, I wore my Biggest Loser race tshirt on my run.  The tshirt that looked way too small but did "fit" when I got it on race day.  Yesterday it felt loose. I was ecstatic.  Truly though, I don't care much about the number on the scale...well maybe a little.  It was pretty much the icing on the cake so to speak. ;) I care much more about taking care of myself, feeling good.  Feeling healthy.  Knowing I am doing my best to stick around in this uncertain world.  To live my best life.

Dr M said maybe next year when she saw me I would have even run a half marathon.  We'll see... I am thinking about maybe trying to up my distance.  A half seems unattainable right now, but a year ago I never would have thought I would run a 5k.  But I DID!!! The sky is the limit!

Later in the evening my sister tagged me in this post.  I am giddy with excitement at the very thought! :D  My only request is that we have something other than bananas for our finish line snack.  Yuck :P



I am exceedingly excited about tomorrow. I have a breakfast date with my mister...I can't even remember our last date.  Our 15th anniversary is next Sunday. And I propose this coming year of wedded bliss we make the time to hang out together. At least once a month.  Perhaps as close to our anniversary date of the 6th as possible.

And then we are going apple picking! We are headed to a different farm this year.  I can not wait.  Hannah is practically beside herself with excitement.  It's going to be a glorious fall day!

I have been trying the past couple weeks to get back into running.  It it feels like my life is spinning out of control at times.  I feel myself getting frazzled.  Angry.  Bitter.  I do not like that Amy.  I don't want to be her.  I am working hard on the attitude.  Finding that making the time to run truly makes a difference.  I don't think I am that great at it yet.  When I watch the video clip of myself I shudder.  I look like a giant goof.  But I love it, I love the way it makes me feel.  I love being out there, myself, at peace.  I love seeing moments like this and giving thanks.



Its been a struggle though.  It was hard going today.  I almost feel like I am back at square one.  I don't know if its the overall pace of my life, just being tired, the cold air, the week or more where I wasn't out running everyday.  But I feel like I have lost ground.  I feel like a fraud.

But then I realize I am still running.  As much as I can.  I don't have to prove anything to anyone.  This is something that is mine.  All mine.  Just for me.

Saturday for the first time since the race I ran 3+ miles, I say run but the truth is I did walk a bit.  And it was hard. But I did 3.1 something miles.  My sister was running a 5k that day.  I desperately wanted to run with her but had to work. :( I decided the next best thing was to run 5K myself before I had to go to work.  So I did.  And even though I walked a bit, it was only about a minute slower than my time in the actual 5K.  I don't want to be walking in my next race however.  So I need to get back out there and train harder...and next time, I want to be able to keep up with my sister. ;)

I just finished my July/August video.  It made me smile, seeing the good times we had.  I am choosing to be grateful for the summer memories we did have.  And to look forward to making some lovely fallish ones.  Like apple picking on Saturday!! :D  And our anniversary next weekend, 15 years!! And a friend's wedding the weekend after that! And then my little man turns 11!

Its going to be a fabulous fall!

Here is a little taste of our summer...

retreat recap

**Discalimer** This is super long.  I hope you will take the time to read it.

Retreat this year was so hard for me.

Why was it so hard?  I had a hard time leaving my worries behind.  I felt like a fraud. I stopped singing because I felt empty and the words hollow.  The songs that usually had my heart overflowing had no effect on me.  I felt oddly detached, very unlike myself.

Friday nights session was good.  It honestly could have been just for me.  She spoke about being cold spiritually, asking these questions...

• Has your amazement gone?
• Has your love for the Word died?
• Has your prayer life become sporadic or shallow?
• Has your love for people grown shallow and cold?
• Is there little evidence of the fruit of the spirit in your life?

If I am honest I can answer yes to pretty much all those questions.

She gave this great illustration with a balloon. About "leaking".  She blew up a balloon and gradually let the air out, asking what was causing us to leak... our husband? our kids? work? financial worries? church ministry?  Something I noticed to is a deflated balloon does not look as nice as one that has never been blown up.  As I looked at that tired, empty balloon it was exactly how I felt.

Afterwards back in the cabin snug in my bunk, I poured out my heart in prayer in my journal.  I was excited about the rest of the weekend.  It was going to be great! Refreshing, I would be filled, and overflowing...

Session 2 Saturday morning was great. She talked about being transformed, breaking free from your chains.  Let the Word fill you.   For the Word of God is living and active {Hebrews 4:12} and it is God breathed (2 Timothy 3:16}, and that every time I open the Bible, God wants to speak to ME.  God wants to speak to ME.  It is His Love Letter to ME...and to you as well. Would it change how you read the Bible if you viewed it as a Love Letter, something to be poured over, treasured, read again and again.

Saturday night, despite my resolve to leave it all behind, to focus and be refreshed was waning.  I felt frustration, despair, inadequacy rising again.  By the end of the session I was dejected.  I felt like maybe I should go up at the alter call.  But I couldn't even come up with the words to write on the index card I had been given.  Instead I sat there, wallowing in myself.

We left the session.  I tried to put it out of my mind.  As we played Dutch Blitz the song we had sung in the session kept playing in my mind...

"All to Jesus I surrender;
All to Him I freely give;"

Bedtime I journaled more, prayed more, resolved tomorrow would be better.

At first it wasn't.  It was Mikayla's birthday, I was sad to be apart from her. Aside from that, I could only think of all the things waiting to be done when I got home.  Going back to the "real" world.  Life's frantic pace.

Back in the main tent for the last session.  I looked over the note paper given to me.  Her topic for this morning was self control. I scoffed....and yet, as the session started every word resonated with my soul.  The speaker throughout all the sessions had us do a lot of sharing with the person(s) sitting next to us. I declined to do much sharing.  Mostly kept my eyes on my paper, scribbling my thoughts and answers to myself in the margins.  This day though, I opened my mouth.  I was sitting next to my mother.  And while we both shook our heads, tears threatening to fall.  She shared a single word first, I almost laughed, it was so similar to the word in my own mind.  I spoke it out loud.  And then as the speaker directed she spoke the words- "With Jesus Christ You can do Everything". {from Philippians 4:13}

Finally, finally I felt like my chains were breaking.  I sat there wrapped in my mother's arms, feeling like a little girl again and yet empowered and fulfilled at the same time.  I knew we shared the same struggles, we are much the same her and I.  I knew we also share some of the same burdens.  I am thankful it was Mom who was next to me. It was precious.  I will be praying for her, I know she will be for me as well.

There is so so much more I could write.  My devotional times these past couple days have been so much richer.  My journal once again becoming filled with prayers and scriptures. I have a couple special ladies on my heart, that I will be praying for daily. I hope and pray the NEXT time I set foot on Chambers Campground for Ladies Retreat, that they will be there.  Chambers really is a  special place.  There are no words, it is sacred and holy.  If you are semi local and have the opportunity, I urge you to go.  I hope next summer to take Hannah for her own very first Chambers Camp experience.

Be blessed <3

my HaPpY Place

This week has been good thus far. Tiring, busy but good.

I feel like my days are full, too full almost. Especially yesterday and today where I am doing double duty.  No time to squeeze in even a short run.  Tomorrow- I soon realized will be just as bad.  I need to do some birthday shopping & prep for my soon to be 14 year old girl, bonus Girl Scouts starts up tomorrow night too!

Hmmm, I really hate to loose a whole week of running. :( It quickly dawned on me that I could in fact squeeze in a short run after the kids got on the bus.  I scurried to find some running clothes as my usual were sopping wet in the washer.  This is what I came up with. :P



I was chuckling as I ran down the road, it was probably the most mismatched outfit I could have worn from my royal blue "will run for coffee" headband {Couldn't' fit it in the pic. It is not easy to take a full body shot of yourself with your iPhone, just saying}. To my Biggest Loser Race Tee, green running shorts and bright blue shoes...even my ghetto sock-cuff iPhone arm band was showing. And obviously this picture is post run, my face almost matched my shirt.

But it was blissful. I enjoyed almost every second. The quiet morning. Feeling accomplished and empowered when I got done. Even if it was only just over a mile and a half. I keep seeing-- any run is better than no run.

This weekend is Ladies Retreat! It took me a long time to decide to go this year.  Mikayla's birthday is on Sunday. Which is the day we will be returning.  I hate to miss so much of her birthday weekend.  Hopefully I can make it up to her.  But I decided I truly need to go this weekend.  My only other sadness is that more Kirkville ladies are not going.  This year only 7 are going.  My first year we won for having the most ladies from our church.  Two years ago all the girls in my Bible Study group went.  We even made matching shirts :P

This year I am going with my friend Ellen. And my mom and a new lady at Church with whom I have yet to become acquainted.  I am looking forward to it immensely.  The relaxed pace.  Not having to rush anywhere.  Just being, soaking in fellowship, peace and God's glory. 

I am bringing my running shoes, but may settle for a walk with my buddy instead of a run on Saturday. ;)

don't be discouraged

This week I have missed going for my morning runs. Yesterday I did make it out in the afternoon. Ryan declined to run with me but says he will today. We shall see. I will have to grab him before he gets sucked into the world of Minecraft I suppose.

This week has been so nice, the mister has been off from his evening job.  Other than Tuesday night I have been home in the evenings as well.  I has been wonderful.  The last two nights after dinner we were able to play Clue and Apples to Apples together.  I dread going back to our "normal" schedule next week, actually tomorrow since I will of course be working 9-5.

Live in the moment.  Enjoy it to the best of my ability.  Do the best I can at whatever I am doing in that moment.  Try not to stress.  Get out and Run.

I need to sign up for another run. I need the motivation.  Trying to decide if somewhere down the line I might want to try a longer race...

 

wondering...

Has anyone out there done a Virutal Race?

Would it be cool or queer?  Basically paying to run a race by myself? But I'd get a tshirt, and a medal and part of the entry fee goes to Breast Cancer...

Would anyone out there be up for running with me? If I were to decide to do it?  It would be Sunday Oct 27, and I would do it in the afternoon.

I came across this one this morning, and I am having trouble finding a "real" race I can do this fall, given my schedule... You can click on the picture belong to see all the info.

 I want to do the Run or Dye run too, Oct 5th. Just not sure if I can fit it in. And I don't want to run it alone.

This has been a rotten week as far as running goes.  I have not gone out at all.  But this afternoon I will.  I am determined.  I have a 4 pm date with my shoes and the pavement and hopefully-- my son. ;)

first day of school

The kids are off to school.

Hard to believe this beauty started high school today. I am so proud of her.  It is such a joy to be her mother.  To watch as she has grown into a remarkable young woman.

An hour later, back in the drive waiting for the elementary bus. Hannah is off to first grade, Ryan in 5th. His last year of elementary school! Time is just going by far to quickly.




Today is also the Mister's birthday! He got to enjoy 1st day of school/Happy birthday pancakes with the kids :) Well except for Hannah who insisted on eating oatmeal this morning! :P  More birthday festivities to come this evening.


I am thankful tonight I will be home.  Home to see the kids get off the bus and hear all about their day.  Home to make the Mister his birthday cake, cook his birthday dinner and celebrate as a family.

I am also thankful for my great co-workers.  Last night was a good night despite being open an extra hour, being tired and super busy.  We had a good time.  Lots of laughing.  I am blessed to have such a pleasant working environment and good people to work with.