I'm struggling today. Hard.

My head still believes, kinda, my heart is having a harder time. I feel hurt, tired, broken, abandoned. I don't want to carry on- even though I know I have to.

 As soon as I read the below devotion my tears began to flow.

So I am trying. To rest in what I know is true (which is not much). To be thankful for the gifts around me.

Last night I hosted a friendsgiving dinner. It was fantastic. Hold on to the good things <3

Saturday we put up our tree. I wasn't sure what to do about a tree this year. We don't usually put it up this early.  But I wanted to do it while Mikayla was still home.  I finally decided if we still had our fake tree- that's what we would do. It wouldn't require money or help from anyone else. We could do it ourselves and feel good about it. Ryan found our sad, old fake tree up in the attic. We put it up and decorated. <3  We listened to Christmas music and got lost in the Joy of the Season.  At least for a little while.




 <3 <3 <3

I am thankful-

• for our Friendsgiving
• for friends who pray and encourage
• Mikayla is safely back at school
• 3 weeks until she is Home for Christmas
• the smell of turkey roasting
• lunch with Mom and the kids
• coffee
• Psalm 103
• putting up the tree
• Watching White Christmas
• Feeling a little joy in the glow of the Christmas Tree

I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord’s holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God. 

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.

Ephesians 3:16-21 niv

Count it all J O Y ? ? ?

I can not believe Thanksgiving Day is tomorrow.

This last month has been the hardest of my life. A long road still stretched a head of me with many forks. Dark and winding. I wonder which one...

Thankfulness and joy are things I have been struggling with. How can you be joyful when you want to curl up in bed, cry and never come out.

But that is what I am called to be and do... I have three wonderful children who need me. If not for them...

This was a line from Jesus Calling this morning and I love it-

A thankful mind-set does not entail a denial of reality with its plethora of problems. Instead, it rejoices in Me, your Savior, in the midst of your trials and tribulations. I am your ever-present and well-proved help in trouble.

What am I thankful for today-

• Don brought donuts- lots of chocolate donuts
• Having my girl home
• sitting on the couch just being together
• Rhett was there for dinner last night
• My lap dog ;-) 
• My favorite space, my kitchen table- my sanctuary and War Room
• Above all I am thankful for God's Word and his Faithfulness

"...And surely I am with you always, to the very end of the age.” Matthew 28: 20

~ * ~ * ~

"God asks us to give thanks in everything — because this is the way you live through anything....
  ...And everything that seems done and over revives again." Ann Voskamp

A cross between Yes, Lord and Please, Lord... as I read the above words.

My heart is so wounded, bruised and torn. Looking for ways to be whole again. I know no matter what God is the only one who can heal the hurt. Make me whole. Fill me up when I feel so empty.

As Thanksgiving draws near my heart struggles with the anxiety- its going to be different. I am going to be sad. Broken. "Alone." I want to enjoy the day, my favorite holiday- instead I fear...

But God says-

• Perfect Love drives out Fear  (1 John 4:18)
• Give thanks in all circumstances (1 Thessalonians 5:18)
• That He alone is my strength and shelter (Psalm 91 and about a million places through out the psalms and such)

So I am thankful-

• beauty of freshly fallen snow
• sharing dinner with friends
• laughter
• coffee
• reminders God is in control
• KLOVE
• Mikayla is HOME

And so I continue to HOPE.

11.20.17

For Today {November 20, 2017}

 Looking out my window SNOW! 

Winter has arrived. I am not a big fan of winter- but this morning I couldn't help but get lost in the beauty.

I am thinking about my husband.

I am thankful for my church and family <3 For little things like coffee. Hugs. "Likes".  For Hope.

One of my favorite things is Thanksgiving. Looking forward to spending the day at my parents with my siblings and their families <3

I am reading Now You're Speaking my Language by Gary Chapman

I am hoping . . . <3

I am learning Patience. Perseverance. Trust.

In my kitchen chili and mac n cheese crock potting this morning, looking forward to dinner with friends tonight <3

Board room

Pinned: For today...


Shared Quote
    "Come As You Are"   Crowder

Come out of sadness 
 From wherever you've been
Come broken hearted
Let rescue begin
Come find your mercy
Oh sinner come kneel
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal 
Earth has no sorrow
That heaven can't heal

A moment from my day 

A run with Chance yesterday- the view sure would be different today!

Pampered Chef party on Friday.  Hannah came with since it was at a friend's house- she kinda stole the show... ;-)

We made this Pumpkin Maple Cream Trifle

 

Closing Notes: Live in the moment. Treasure the good. Be thankful. Remember above all God is in control. Prayer changes things.  Look for the little things.  Read the BIBLE. Pray some more. Never give up. Faith, Hope & Love.

All things are possible

I apologize in advance- my posts maybe all over the place, maybe sporadic or maybe constant. 

We are going through some stuff here. Stuff I am not ready to share publicly. May never share publicly.  But if you think of me- my family would appreciate any prayers you could send our way. God knows...

Yesterday was a hard day. There are bound to be plenty of them in my future. Today is better.  In spite of everything I know God is in control. He has a plan. I have every hope for the future. I know God will see us through this.

Another someone brought me coffee. My most favorite someone. Ever.

Lunch time reading. I am reading Now You're Speaking My Language by Gary Chapman.  I highly recommend. Communication is something I definitely need to work on. I have left far too many things said unsaid for far too long.  No more.

 

Because. Dog. Dogs make life better.

 

This morning's devo perfectly aligned with the one I read at bedtime last night. They were both about Freedom in Christ. I am reading Jesus Calling in the morning and Graceland at night.  I actually slept through the whole night last night and woke up feeling somewhat refreshed and hopeful. Its been a long month.

How thankful I am today for HOPE. I will never give up my Hope until there is no longer breath in my lungs.  With God there is always HOPE. With God the impossible is possible. He is still in the business of working miracles.

 

Thy Will

I'm so confused

I know I heard you loud and clear
So, I followed through
Somehow I ended up here

I don't wanna think
I may never understand
That my broken heart is a part of your plan
When I try to pray
All I got is hurt and these four words

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you're good
But this don't feel good right now 
And I know you think
Of things I could never think about

It's hard to count it all joy
Distracted by the noise
Just trying to make sense
Of all your promises
Sometimes I gotta stop
Remember that you're God
And I am not
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees all that comes to me is
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will

I know you see me
I know you hear me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store

I know you hear me
I know you see me, Lord
Your plans are for me
Goodness you have in store
So

Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

Like a child on my knees
All that comes to me is 
Thy will be done
Thy will be done
Thy will be done

I know you see me 
I know you hear me, Lord

Writer(s): Hillary Scott, Emily Weisband and Bernie Herms

Everyday might not be good but there's something good in everyday...

This morning I read this in my email from Love God Greatly- Trying hard to put into practice.  I even printed it to put in my planner.


So here's some good from the last week or so... in spite of everything there has been some good... and I am choosing to be thankful...

Book club with my sister. Sitting in the van and chatting after. Pouring out our hearts.

Dinner with Ry at King David's.  I had never been. It was fantastic!

I had this chicken something or other wrap thingy that was delicious!

Mikayla was cast in the Spring Musical Oklahoma! at school.

Last night I had a Pampered Chef party! And another on Friday! Woo!

Dunkin fix with my amazing kiddos.

You know you have amazing children when you can sing Blessed Be Your Name together in the car with shattered hearts. God is good and we are going to be OK.  Even if...

A little run with my sister :P

A cup of tea and mug that reminds me I am not alone.

  

This guy~

Someone stops by work just to brighten my day <3

Yes and amen.

Syracuse Half

The Syracuse Half has come and gone. I completed it successfully. It was hard. One of the hardest races I have ever done. My biggest struggle was my own head. If my sister had not been running with me- I honestly don't know if I could have done it.  So thank you Laura, from the bottom of my heart, for keeping me moving forward.

Saturday night I spent the night at her house so we could go to the race together Sunday morning.

We laid out our race outfits.

Sunday morning we easily arrived at the race, my sister's home just minutes away.  We found her friend LB who was also running, this being her FIRST Half.

 

We lined up pretty far to the back, we had stayed inside as long as possible.

This lady at the start was wearing the same jacket as me :-/

The beginning of the race was hard. Mostly that was my own fault. I got lost in my own head and couldn't break out. At some point I actually broke down in tears. My sister said it was OK. She gave me pep talks and encouragement. I am so thankful for her presence.

The "thank you" lady drove us batty- literally yelling thank you at every person we passed. Which is nice- I get it- but holy cow- it was excessive.  Thank you volunteers! Thank you officer! Thank you random spectator! Constantly.  For real. Maybe that is what distracted her and kept her going- I don't know.  We were happy when we finally got away from her.

Another lady who we played cat and mouse with for a while was blasting christian music from her phone. Toby Mac and Mandisa I heard, in particular- it helped hearing those familiar words and songs. Knowing while I feel alone- I am not. 

Trying to be positive. 

"You're an overcomer
Stay in the fight 'til the final round
You're not going under
'Cause God is holding you right now
You might be down for a moment
Feeling like it's hopeless
That's when he reminds you
That you're an overcomer
You're an overcomer"

One of the points where I was enjoying the run. I have no idea where we were.

We ran by Dinosaur Barbecue- it smelled delicious.

We talked a lot about Pittsburgh... its still our first love.  For the most part this race was quiet-- very not good for someone trying to break out of her own thoughts. There were a few spectators- those that were there, were great! They played music through Bluetooth speakers or car speakers. There were a few very enthusiastic dancers that made us chuckle.

Here's the one Syracuse bridge we crossed- yup not quite Pittsburgh. 

Mile 10- Was doing pretty good actually at this point. Just 5K left to go! It was a beautiful day for running!

Miles 11 and 12- we were so close! My bottom half hurt so bad, my hips, my knees, my feet. But we kept on trucking.

I got choked up again as we made that final turn and way, way in the distance I could see the finish.

I did it! This was my trying hard to be proud face- but my heart was torn and I really was fighting tears again. But even in spite of the physical pain and the emotional turmoil- I am proud. I can do hard things. Harder than I ever imagined and I know with Christ I can do all things. (Philippians 4:13)

I am all about the chocolate milk at the finish.


Breakfast wasn't quite all we hoped it would be. The biggest issue being the syrup was pretty much solid so I couldn't even get it out on the package. I ate one pancake and tossed the rest- they were cold by then too. I did enjoy the sausage and bacon. And the Kool-aid Jammers juice pouch I snagged.

 

Finishers! Victorious!

Before we headed home we hit the Dunkin' truck. We were very amused by the tiny coffee cups. They had pumpkin spice syrup and it was probably the best thing I had all day.

Photocredit: Most of the pictures in the post were taken by my sister, excluding my selfies.

I case you are wondering... Here are my official Syracuse Half results- not a PR but not my worst. Given my training or lack there of- my goal was come in under 3 and we did.

You with the sad eyes...

It's hard not to be discouraged these days. But I know God is still God. God is good. He is in control. No matter what. There is always hope.



God says:
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.  Deuteronomy 31:6

The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. Psalm 34:18

He makes a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.  Isaiah 43:19

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.” Matthew 19:26




"But this does not define you 
 This is not who you are 
 You know who you are...."

In God there is always

H  O  P  E

Tuesday...

For Today {November 7}

Looking out my window SNOW! First of the season


I am thinking too much! That's for sure.

I am thankful for God's faithfulness. Family. Hope. My husband.

I am wearing

 

I am reading 

• Before We Were Yours (for Book club on Friday)
  
• No More Perfect Marriages
   
• Graceland
  

I am hoping I am hoping. Let's just leave it at that. <3

I am learning to trust. to begin again. to open my mouth and say things out loud.

In my kitchen working on making a menu and grocery shopping tonight. I haven't felt much like cooking lately and we've been eating a lot of convenience type food. Not good. :-/

In my garden Hannah and I still have some bulbs to get in the ground.

Board room 

Pinned: Year20<3

Shared Quote from the Graceland devotional

 

A moment from my day
10 miles on Saturday! Can you believe it?? I'm not sure I can and I did it! 
Just a few short days to the Syracuse Half with my sister!


Closing Notes: When H O P E is all you have. This has been my view a lot lately. I have spent more time in the word and in prayer than I ever thought possible.  Still it seems like not enough- seeking God to fill me completely. Heal the broken and bring restoration. I know He can.