the good things...they are coming

So earlier this week I stumbled upon this Five Minute Friday linkup.  I read several past entries, determined to try it this time.  Thursday night a prompt is revealed.  And you are to just write...for five minutes.  Funny how five minutes can seem excessively long or exceedingly short depending on the task.

Any how below is my first attempt at Five Minute Friday...

 

Waiting is not something I am a fan of.  But necessary.  Here I am again.

Waiting, waiting.

Some days it feels hopeless.  But then I remember.

Be still and know that I am God.

Psalm 46:10

Wait-- He is whispering.  Good things are out there.  You just have to wait.

9 months I waited, 3 times.  Each precious babe well worth the wait.

5 years we waited before He brought us our current home.  It has been glorious.  Not a day goes by that I am not incredibly grateful for each day we dwell there.

He will see us through this too.  Waiting stinks sometimes.  But the good things.  They are well worth the wait.

Wait for the Lord;
    be strong and take heart
    and wait for the Lord.

Psalm 27:10

Still Calling it a Win

This morning I went running.  I almost bailed. Tomorrow's another day right?  Yeah-- except its supposed to be frigid {AGAIN!}.  I took a look at the weather wondering if this afternoon might be better suited for running...Not so much.  Looks like the weather is just supposed to progressively get worse as the day goes on. Well-- maybe next week will be better, I consoled myself.

Then I thought about the potential of TWO half marathons looming on the horizon.  The Syracuse one I almost committed to-- only a mere 7 weeks away.  SEVEN!! And me struggling to run/walk 2-3 miles...I cursed myself for not actively starting to train way back in the fall when I said I would.

So even though I was a little afraid, I went.  The road was kinda gross.  It had been plowed semi recently but still had some accumulation plus tire slush.  It seemed a bit slick and I was mildly worried about getting hit by a car.  But the truth is I usually see maybe 1-3 cars tops on my morning run and figured as long I was vigilante I could stay well out of their way.

I ran slowly.  Walked more than I care to admit. At times stopped and moved into the smallish snowbanks to avoid cars.  Better safe than sorry I figured.  Once I stepped in a snow camouflaged pothole and almost fell.  But at the same time, even thought it was probably fool hardy and the whole time I was wishing I had a treadmill and could run in relative warmth and safety watching the Castle DVDs I currently have from the library.  I am not sorry...I am happy to have 2 more miles to log on my calendar.  I made it home alive and it made me feel pretty fierce to be out there running with the wind whipping icy snow pelts in my face.  Another run, no matter how short or slow is far better than no run at all.

So it begins

Yesterday Laura and I started our mid week "long runs" to train for Pittsburgh.  Our first run wasn't really long...in fact it was a quite "easy" 3-miler.  Yet I viewed it with trepidation.

Tuesday night after work, I let the dog out thinking about our promised run...realizing we had yet to make any firm plans.  As if she was reading my mind a few minutes later my phone buzzed.

I was happy and excited to be going running with my sister again.  Nervous knowing how much I had slacked off, wondering how I would fare.  As two pm on Wednesday approached my anxiety level began to skyrocket.  I was embarrassed by my running {or lack there of} and afraid I was going to disappoint my sister.  I knew I wasn't going to be able to run 3 straight miles...in fact I wasn't sure I could run 1.

I left work.  Headed to her apartment.  Doing my best to give myself a pep talk.  I made it to her apartment in one piece despite the highway driving adding to my anxiety level.  A true country mouse I am.  Changed into my running clothes, set off for the park on foot.

As we ran Laura chatted, I mostly gasped one word responses.  Willing myself to not stop running.  I did not want to let her down.  After what felt like an eternity she asked me how far I thought we had gone.  I was having flashbacks to her Wedding Day 5K.  My frustration with not being able to keep up. I hated feeling like such a fraud of a runner.  I wanted to feel like a real runner.
I didn't know.  I figured maybe we were getting close to a mile since she brought it up.  But was afraid of being disappoint that we had only gone half that! I guessed half a mile.  She laughed and accused me of guessing low on purpose.  To which I responded I was hoping. :-D  We were actually just shy of a mile.  I kept telling myself I was strong.  That I felt fine.  That I could keep going. In my head I told myself I had to make to a mile and half before I could walk.  I just had too.  It felt like such a meager goal.  But we did it.  We even "sprinted" to the shed she had pointed out as the 1.5 mile mark.  We walked a bit before turning around and heading back.

I was happy when she remarked it felt harder on the way back.  Because it so did!  But as we ran and chatted it began to feel a bit easier for a bit.  I had a spot picked as a goal that maybe we could walk a bit more.  Around that same time Laura remarked to me, "You know I think we're already off to a better start than last year."
I responded something to the effect of, "I guess" or "If you say so."
"Oh we are," She assured me.  "Only one walk break!  We're not taking another one!"
"Oh." I responded again.  Thinking how badly my legs and lungs wanted to walk.
"We're only about a half mile out." She assured me.  "You can do it!"

And you know what... I did! I was elated.  I was even more elated when she told me our overall pace was in the 11's.... pretty awesome for me. Probably slowish for her.  But I felt amazing.  Accomplished.  Proud I hadn't disappointed her.

This morning on a whim I signed up for the Springtime 10K.  If you recall Laura and I ran the inaugural race last year.  You may also recall I was less than thrilled with my time.  This year I want to crush last years time.  I also remember thinking the hills in Pittsburgh were nothing after having done Jamesville a few weeks prior, so I figure it'll be good for my training to run those hills again.

This year I want to finish every race PROUD. To know I did my absolute best.

1.27.15

Linking up today with The Simple Woman's Daybook 

Outside my window... the sky is blue, the sun is shining but it is COLD.  Last I checked the windchill had dipped below zero again.

I am thinking... This morning as I pulled out of the driveway. I noticed the mailbox was full of mail...since our mailbox door is broken, I figured it was wise to stop and get it instead of leave it sitting there all day.  The pile of mail stemmed all kids of thoughts.  Seeing this stack of letters for Mikayla.  Remembering when it was me.  The whole world of possibilities before me.  How might my life have been different if I had gone to college?  Where would I be today?

How is it that it is time to start thinking about college???  Just yesterday it seems she was this sweet little babe in arms. 

Now she is practically full grown. My heart bursts with pride at the beautiful young lady she has become.  Inside and out.

I am thankful... for the women in my life.  I am richly blessed there.

I am wearing...

Trying to stay warm...its not going very well.

 I am going... to not be discouraged. Keep on keeping on.

I am wondering... if and where we will run tomorrow.

 I am reading... still working on Tell the Wolves I am Home.  Also picked up a couple more books at the library on Sunday (oops).  One being for the Ultimate Marriage Reading Challenge of 2015,

She picked out a couple books from each month to choose from. The list looked pretty good actually. One of the January selections was in my library system so I picked that one. ;) Gary Thomas, A Lifelong Love: What if Marriage is about more than just staying together?

I am hoping...

The Lord will work out his plans for my life—

    for your faithful love, O Lord, endures forever.
    Don’t abandon me, for you made me.    (Psalm 138:8 NLT)

I am learning... God is so good! This is not news, I know.  Yet every day I am surprised at how He meets me where I am and fills my tank to the brim.  Frequently, my old cocker spanial wakes me in the wee hours of the morning to let him out.  Often as I return to bed, sleep evades me as worries crowd in.  This morning was so exception.  I lay there in the darkness feeling like the clock is ticking away.  January is coming to a close.  Another month gone already...and no resolution or hope in sight.  I keep hoping it is there...just around the bend. Still each morning, as I meet with God, He reminds me to keep the faith.  To believe and trust and just keep on trucking.  So to speak.  Reminding me, He is in control.  He has a plan.

•  Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.   Luke 12:7
• Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.  Matthew 6:34
• “Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me." John 14:1

In the kitchen... there's chicken legs in the crock-pot.  Here's to hoping there will be some left when I get home tonight :P


A favorite quote for today... this is from my devotions today. 

One of my favorite things... discovering new blogs ;-)

A peek into one of my days from last week...

Better

Today dawned better than yesterday.

I awoke, let the dog out. Fed the cats. Contemplated going back to bed. I made coffee instead, read alittle in runners world. Finally opening my devotional and bible. On the final chapter of john. I was a little sad to see the study drawing to a close. 

It was good. Opening with a resurrected Jesus waiting on the beach for his disciples. Beckoning them to join him for breakfast. This morning it felt as though He was beckoning me. Calling to me. To just be with him. To fellowship and soak on his presence.

I almost decided to not go run. Yesterday's run and my sore legs trying to coax me into staying in my nice cozy kitchen. I really wanted to hit my goal though... For once. This meant I had to run 4 more miles between today and tomorrow.  Without thinking about it further I decided to just go.  Turns out it was a beautiful morning out there!

As my phone told me I reached 1mile my pace was under 12 minutes! Yesssss! I I said aloud and kept running. 

My overall pace ended up being 12:22 but today is proof that attitude and perspective is everything. Even though it was only a few seconds faster than yesterday's run. I return home feeling happy, strong and powerful. Instead of frustrated and defeated like yesterday.

What's the point anyway

I was having a bit of a day today. I felt tired and frustrated and overwhelmed.  And then I felt worse because I felt like I didn't have any right to feel so down and discouraged.

But I was.

I even went running hoping it would make me feel better. Truth be told it actually made it a little bit worse. I walked more than I should have I just couldn't seem to find that strength and endurance and bliss of yesterday. I berated myself instead of cheering myself on. There will be days like this. I know. Tomorrow is a new one. Fresh and clean. :) There is always hope.

Seen on my run: 

I also saw three ducks at the creek. They saw me first though so I didn't get their picture.

Why are you so discouraged, my soul? 

Why are you so restless?

Put your hope in God,

Because I will still praise him.

He is my savior and my God.

Psalm 42:5

oh just go for it!

Yesterday I had a coffee date with my sister. We committed to running our long runs together again as we prepare for Pittsburgh in May. I am really excited to start running with her again.  Even though she is a way stronger runner than me.  Our runs together last winter were some of my favorite times.  I looked forward to them every week.

This was one of my favorite training runs last year where we hit double digits for the first time!!

She also did her best to talk me into running the Syracuse Half in March....I am almost there. Almost.  I do know one person running it...so that helps...a little.  Its on my bucket list. So why not?



I really can't come up with a legitimate reason to not do it. Other than maybe fear... and that's not a "good" reason.

Oh and added bonus: the race is March 22...two days before MY BIRTHDAY! =D

Plus last night I {may have} ingested far more chocolate than I should have.  So.... I definitely need some motivation to get out there running!!

Last night and this morning I was feeling a bit like a failure and a fraud.  My anxiety level was sky rocketing.  I felt so disconnected and alone. 

But after my run I am feeling more like this...

I am trying to hang onto this feeling.

I pushed myself a bit harder today.  Running with my sister looming on the horizon I know I need to step up my game.  I just kept telling myself I was strong.  That I felt good.  That I could do this... over and over.  My last three (2 mile) runs have consecutively been 1 minute faster each time.  This made me exceedingly happy.  Maybe I am not a lost cause after all!

just another day

Linked up today with The Simple Woman's Daybook

Outside my window... 

 It was lightly snowing this morning.  As I set out on my run it looked so magical.

I almost didn't go.  But the second I opened the door and set out I was glad I did.

 I am thinking... 
I am ridiculously cold.
Funny how I can go out and run in the cold, but any other time I can't stand it.
 I think I will go make a cup of tea.

 I am thankful... 
For God's promises.

I am wearing...

OK so actually this was Sunday.  The mister requested us all wearing Packers gear to church on Sunday, because of the game.  Sadly the Packers didn't make it to the superbowl. :(
I don't really care about football. At All.  But I care about my Mister.
Plus I love my hoodie and thought I looked kinda cute.
(A far cry from how I feel today. Blech)

 I am creating... 

Still working away on Owen's quilt. :)
Also picked up a few more fat quarters for another special quilt project that I am collecting fabrics for.

 I am going... 
Meet my mileage goal this week.
Last week I ran a pitiful 2 miles...all week long...that's it.
Truth is I was struggling with some leg/hip/back issues that encouraged me to back off.
In addition to the bitter cold.  But its a new week.  I think I am feeling better...we'll see how it goes.
2 miles logged...8 to go for a 10 miles goal this week.

I am reading...
So last week I started this Full Shelf Challenge thing....then Saturday I went to the library and brought home 4 new books and put a fifth on hold.  But am not calling a a total loss since did complete TWO books that were on my shelf this past week.  Currently reading Tell the Wolves I am Home; I am not sure how I feel about this book yet.  I am not even sure why I picked it up but it struck me for some reason.

 Around the house... 

One of my favorite things... 
Our living room.  I can not get over the difference new slip covers made.   

We even think the couches feel more comfy now! :D 

 Last week I added the candle holders and the Faith Hope and Love.

I just love cozy-ing up on the couch with a blanket and good read.  

  In the kitchen... 
I left meatball stew to simmer away in the crockpot for dinner...

I am pondering...
What to make for the Valentine's Swap


 There are still a couple more days to sign up if you are interested.

I am hoping...
For the best.
God has a plan.
Some how, some way--
its gotta work out.

 A favorite quote for today... 
 “In the darkest times of your life, your praise to God should be the loudest.
Let the enemy know you’re not afraid of the dark.”
― Stormie Omartian


A peek into one of my days from last week...

Hannah chatting on the phone with one of her BFF's whilst drinking tea

Last night she worked tirelessly at getting her Valentine's all set.

Just Enough Light...

This afternoon I finished my first book of the year. The first book I can remove from my full shelf.
Something brought it to mind this morning as I was sitting at the kitchen table for my morning quiet time.  I kept it close by, reading here and there.  Before I knew it I was turning the last page.

   

Just Enough Light for the Step I'm On by Stormie Omartian.

If you have been reading my blog lately you may have noticed I have been going through some struggles.  Hence dusting this book off.  The uncertainty of our future at times feels crushing.  But I am finding {again} God is still there.  God is still in control.  Above all God is Good.  All the Time.

This book stated over and over and over--  How God is there.  Guiding, leading, wanting to direct my steps.  He wants and has good things for us.

I love that each chapter ends with a prayer and scripture {Footlights}.  As I finished each chapter and read each prayer my heart cried, Yes Lord...Amen.

The book doesn't promise everything will magically become better.  Obviously this is a hard, broken world.  But He will grant us the strength we need for each day.  The importance of tapping into His Word and His strength daily.

"Hunger for God’s Word like food. Thirst for it like water. Soak in it like a jacuzzi. Put it on like a garment. Weave it into your soul so that it becomes part of the fabric of your life. When you do, you won’t just be trudging up the trail. You will be dancing in the footlights."  pp51

“When God aims us in a new direction, we have to let go of what we've known, be willing to embrace the unfamiliar, and trust that He will sustain us on the journey.”  pp.93

Life is not going to be perfect.  Unexpected things will happen.  Challenges and perhaps even tragedies will arise. But He will still sustain us.  He wants to heal our hurts.  Free us from our past.  Release us from bitterness.

"You don't have to have life all figured out; you only have to take one step at a time.  God will give you just enough light for the step you're on, and every time you put your hand in His, you'll know you've got a solid hold on your future." pp.175

 Last night as I drove home from Girl Scouts.  My heart was filled with so much peace.  It was like God was literally pouring it out over me.  I wanted to wrap it around me like a cozy blanket and never move.  Reading this book today as been like a confirmation of everything I have felt Him whispering to my soul over the past several weeks.

I still don't know what the coming weeks and months are going to look like.  But I know He is right there with me.  I know that for today, for this moment, I am walking in His light and His truth.  And that's all any of us can do.

“Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life,
what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear.
Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?
Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns,
and yet your heavenly Father feeds them.
Are you not much more valuable than they? 
Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life?"  

Matthew 6:25-27 NIV

Full Shelf Challenge

Earlier this week I was hopping blogs and landed on one with an intriguing challenge.

She called it the Auntie's Full Shelf Challenge. 

"Have a bookshelf, Kindle, Nook, or Audible queue full of books you were just chomping at the bit to read when you got them, but you haven't even opened (or clicked on)?  Is your account at the public library full of check outs that you rechecked to the limit, but never finished?  Is your goodreads.com list full of "want to reads" with very few books actually read?  Yeah, me too." {An excerpt from her Blog entry}.

I too had just looked at all the unread books piling up on my shelves.  Below is a picture of the shelf under my bedside table.  Most of the books there have been there a year or more... a few I retrieved from my shelves in the basement.  These are the books at the top of my 2015 to-read list.  Some of them are in progress.  Some of them have yet to be opened.  The one exception being my current read, missing from the picture as it was sitting on the couch in the living room.

Last year I read a fraction of the books I usually do.  This made me sad.  I love reading.  These days its far easier to watch TV or scroll mindlessly through Facebook and Instagram.  My pledge today is to put down the phone.  Turn off the TV.  Pick up a book instead. ;-)

update: Upon looking through my Goodreads shelves I realized some of the books I read last year were on my 2014 shelf but not showing up as "read in 2014"...whatever...I actually read more than goodreads recognized...and I am happy about that!  Here is my accurate 2014 shelf

Amy's 2014 book montage  :)

Amy's favorite books »

A couple pictures from my run yesterday.  They don't do justice to the beauty of the glorious sunshine or the brilliant blue sky.  Again this morning I marveled at the beauty of this world.  Drink it in.

Running yesterday was hard. It felt brutal.  Only two miles and felt endless.  I kept telling myself it was okay.  To push just a little harder.  That once again my strength and endurance would build. And so it will.  Mind over matter. I can do this. I will do this.  I will do it better than I did last year. ;-)